The Program: Step 3 - Solutions

Type 5 Problem
You meet women that you're interested in, they're interested in you, but they end up thinking of you as "a great, great" friend.

...a lot of the nice guys/men I've dated get really lazy by the second or third date (hence not making it to the fourth). They think that since the courtship is over and they "have" the girl that they can slack off. Keep the courtship/romance alive. Women die for that stuff. Although it's the nineties and I myself am in a male dominated field, I still wouldn't mind a little creativity on his side.

Question: Is this really a problem?

Answer: Maybe not.

If you're making it to the third or fourth date, it's possible that you're doing everything right you just haven't found the right person for you. Yet.

In some ways Nice Guys are less picky than the general population in some ways, we're more picky. It takes us more initial work to ask someone out, but once we've asked them out, we're less likely to want to break it off. This means that we're more likely to be the ones broken up with rather than doing the breaking up.

I had an email discussion last October with a NiceGirl friend of mine, June (author/performer of the song "Dating") on the subject:

Let's say each person finds about 10% of the opposite sex population "interesting." That seems to me to be about the average degree of pickiness. This would mean that if you are in a group of 100 men and 100 women (all heterosexual, one assumes), 10 will be interested in you, you will be interested in 10, and you will find mutual interest with only one.

Some people recommend upping your chances by seeking out people with similar interests. Others, such as John Gray, recommend seeking out someone different from you because they believe opposites attract. But I think that chemistry is so unpredictable that it might as well be random.

Also, beyond basic health, hygiene, and respect for others, anything you do to make yourself more attractive could irritate some people. Believe it or not, I've actually been turned off by men who seemed too handsome, too smooth, too well-dressed, or too financially successful (I like men who are more relaxed and balanced). And some men have been turned off by what I feel are some of my best qualities.

And then there's the issue of communicating interest and sensing interest from others. There's much potential for misunderstanding. It can be pretty darned confusing.