General Advice
Your Problem

Problem Types
Type I
Type II
Type III
Type IV
Type V

The Program: Step 3 - Solutions

Type 3 Solution
You meet women that you're interested in, but they're not interested in you at all

Okay, I know this list sounds harsh, but you're here, so it obviously means something to you.

I'm also going to be up front and say that this area is a bit weak. We can use some help, so if you have any ideas on how to make this better please contact us.

You're lacking in social skills

This is a tough one because it's so general and there's so many different types of social skills. One that's difficult for most niceguys, is "giving your friends some shit." If you like people, you're nice to them. It wouldn't occur to you to call your friend "Stinky" (to use a very 1950's sounding phrase).

Another example is "small talk." Yes, it does seem boring and pointless, but you need to learn how to do it anyways.

This is one where I'm going to cheat for a moment, pull a "Dear Abby" and tell you that you need to see a therapist...someone who has the professional contacts to get you together with the right person so that you can start learning these skills.

Another way of dealing with this that's so obvious that I didn't even think to mention it is to practice your social skills. Whether it's the cute checker down at the grocery store or seeing if you can get a smile out of the person behind the desk at the Department of Motor Vehicles. It doesn't hurt. (Thanks for the reminder Jay.)

You don't dress well

If you don't dress well, you may not know it. Compare what you wear to what other people who are dating are wearing. How different are these two?

If you realize that you don't dress well, save up some money and get sneaky. Find a fairly attractive female co-worker (think "target audience") or friend who will give you the time of day and tell her that you're trying to upgrade your wardrobe but really need some help. You have to be careful, she might try to dress you up like a fashion-victim, but she also might help you get into some stylish attire.

You're physically unattractive

This is such a broad category, it's tough to start. The first thing is to figure out if being physically unattractive is really your problem. Your best bet is probably checking your yellow pages for an "image consultant." If you don't live near a major city, it may be difficult to find one.

You're short

If you're short, you already know that you have an extreme disadvantage. Most women want to date men who are at least three inches taller than they are...they like being able to wear high heels and still be shorter than their boyfriend.

This means that you're going to have to focus on your other strengths. Since you will probably have a harder time getting the first date, you'll have to find ways of increasing your chances for getting a second, third, etc. date. Actually, that's just good general advice.

The main thing I've found is combining treating her well with having a life of your own. Being a good conversationalist also helps as do knowing how to: dance, cook, and give good backrubs.

Any other suggestions?

You're overweight

With some major exceptions, it is far easier for men to lose weight than it is for women. I hate to be brutal, but unless it's due to a medical condition, we don't have an excuse.

By the way, before you start in with the diet plan of the week, understand one thing: diets don't work. What does work is eating less and exercising more. If calorie output is greater than calorie input and you don't let your body go into starvation mode by dieting you will lose weight. I moved to Silicon Valley in 1996, started working with computers, didn't exercise and proceeded to gain 45 pounds in 2-1/2 years. I started taking dance classes and going out dancing and I cut back on how much soda I drank. Not too difficult, huh? I lost 20 pounds in a year-and-a-half...and I've kept it off.

I know that compared to a lot of people that's not much, but it only takes minimal changes to make a major difference, but it does take some time. You might want to try

Here's a thought for anyone who thinks that little changes don't make a difference: a can of Dr Pepper soda has 160 calories; there are 365 days in a year; a pound of body fat is 3,500 calories. This means that one can of Dr Pepper a day is equal to over 16 pounds of fat a year.

Note: Dr Pepper is the unofficial soda of NiceGuys.Org

You have emotional problems

We've all been through the 80s, 90s, and dating...we all have emotional problems. Now we need to deal with them. If you can't deal with them by yourself, find a good results-oriented therapist. Many of them will try to keep you coming back forever. You have better things to do.

You have habits that women don't like (You smoke/drink too much, etc.)

Figure out what your problem area is and find friends who will help you. You are probably going to need to find a support group.


You have our sympathies. There have been studies that show that quitting smoking is harder than quitting cocaine. Your brain has receptors which are specifically designed to interact with nicotine. Before quitting smoking you need to consult your doctor — the nicotine modifies your brain chemistry and if you try to quit on your own, you're going to have a hell of a time.

Another thing is that you're going to have to avoid your smoker friends, it's next to impossible to quit with your friends going out and taking their smoke-breaks.


A few drinks are okay but if you're not in control, that's another story. And one of the first things you lose when you drink is judgement. How many of the people who are involved in drunk driving accidents do you think said to themselves, "Wow. I'm really, really wasted and my coordination is gone, but I think I'll drive home now."

By the way drunk drivers are not NiceGuys. If you're a drunk driver, you don't care about other people's lives.

Poor hygiene

This should be fairly self-evident, but shower every day (especially after exercising). Use deodorant. Use cologne when going on a date...but not too much.

About fingernails: Keep them short. Keep them clean.

Also, there are two things that may not be under the category of poor hygiene, but people think of them that way:


If you're not sure if you have dandruff, get a black shirt, lay it out flat, put your head over it and scratch your head vigorously for about 20 seconds. If you see it on your shirt, other people have noticed it.

Try Head & Shoulders and Selsyn Blue. If they don't work, call your doctor. Also, changes in weather may cause dandruff. If you're prone to dandruff, you might want to use one of the medicated shampoos as a preventative.


It's not just for teenagers anymore. If you have a few pimples, don't stress it, just try to keep your skin clean and use whatever pads or topical medication seem to help. If you have cystic acne (lumps that are deeper and don't have a head) the topical medication may not help as much. Talk to your doctor about tetracycline, Accutane, or other options.
If you have any other ideas please contact us.

All materials © Copyright 2007 - Clint Zehner
If you are interested in reprinting any of the materials on this site, please contact me.

TruWest is the official credit union of — everyone there is nice.

NiceGuys.Org Home The Program Resources Articles Forums Legal Contact Us